July 22, 2016

1c67324541db813f7b5d7773d17bea79I think how I feel this morning is the goal. I had about two hours of this last week and have been hoping it would return.

I’m sad. I’m miss Rupert terribly, and I miss our plans together. I miss the sound of his voice and the feel of his skin.

What’s different in this moment is the monkey brain. I’m not processing why and how and what the fuck happened. I have acceptance and calm in my chest. The ball of grief is quiet right now.

I’m learning that my monkey brain will keep trying to figure it out, and I need to allow it but I don’t need to pay attention to it. There is no reason. There is no why. And there is no changing it. Acceptance and breathing. That’s my goal.

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