July 25, 2016

Oh, hello anger.

WebSomeone I barely know is posting about how amazing life is and when bad things happen, you need to pick yourself up because it is all about how to react to it.

I unfriended her.

Rupert is still listed as going to an upcoming event we’d discussed. I think it may be time to alert FB and make his wall a memorial page so this stops. It’s too hard to see.

I guess I must be accepting all this one some level, because the anger I never expected to feel shows up from time to time. Oh, hello anger. They said we would meet. I wasn’t really expecting you, I don’t need you, you aren’t welcome here.

But you seem to show up for people dealing with what I am dealing with, feeling what I am feeling. So perhaps you are necessary. Guess I need to acknowledge you and say hi. How’s it going?

I’m angry that he hurt me. We promised we wouldn’t hurt each other! We talked about the bond of the grief of Alexius and how we couldn’t hurt each other! And you died! You hurt me you hurt me you hurt me! I AM ANGRY!

I am angry at sleeping alone. At being single. I am angry that my boyfriend is dead, and all I have is his mother’s ring. I am angry that I am sad all the time, and that I don’t give a shit about much of anything. I am angry that we were so happy and now you are dead and I am sad.

So much for not having a meltdown tonight. I think it is time for a sleeping pill. It has been nearly a week, so that is progress.

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