January 7, 2018

Men have forgotten how to date. It’s actually quite simple.

Men have forgotten how to date.

Two years ago, I thought I’d never have to date again. I was in love, it was easy, and it was right. We were planning our future together.

And then he died suddenly in a motorcycle accident on July 2, 2016.

I went on a wonderful date this weekend. We have friends in common, shared interests, and an obvious physical attraction to each other. He was a little distant at first. I couldn’t tell if he was nervous or what, so after the show, and after a quick bite & a cocktail, I asked if he wanted to walk from North Beach up to Coit Tower. He immediately loosened up, and we started connecting. And kissing. It was fun. He just needed to get into his body and out of his head. It’s why I like hiking with friends, too. It’s better connection time than dinner.

It’s now two nights later. I’ve heard nothing from the guy. After our date, we went to our separate homes and texted for another hour or so. I know I’ll hear from him again, I just don’t understand the crickets.

It’s hard to date. Okay, it sucks. I’ve had to actually say out loud that a requirement to dating me is that you have to ask me out on a date. Lots of guys show interest, but can’t say “Would you like to have dinner with me?” It’s shocking how hard this is. And I won’t do it for them.

So now I’ve found a great guy who can not only ask me out but plan a fun night and treat me well. He opened the door for me. He bought the tickets (then we shared dinner and I bought the drinks). It was clear he was happy with the kisses and didn’t expect anything more. He even waited till five minutes after I called my Lyft to call his.

He lives in anther state and went home the next day. And he has not said a word to me since our 4am texts!

Here’s what I would like; what I would do if I were the guy (I’d make a great boyfriend/date, but then that’s because I know what women want): text me to let me know you had a great time and are looking forward to seeing me again. Then wait till you are coming back to town and, with three days notice, ask me out.

Without that initial follow up, I start to think he isn’t interested. And with today’s ease of meeting people to date online, I’ve got just as many options as he does. Should he skip the follow up, I may think he’s not that interested and not reply to a date request in a few weeks. Because why waste my time if he’s not that into me?

The formula for the first date is pretty simple:

1. Ask her out. Make a plan!

2. Be polite, ask her questions about her life, show interest. Don’t expect more than yummy kisses.

3. Follow up within 24 hours with a brief message that you had a great time and are looking forward to the seeing her again.

4. Ask her out again three days before the date you want to see her.

5. Give it a few dates. You may know you can’t stand someone right away, but sometimes the magic takes a little while to gel.

We all have lots of options – online dating is like a video game – so don’t play it too cool or you just might destroy a good thing.

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