Wow, 2018. That’s a big number for someone born in 1970. I’ll turn 48 later this year.
It’s been 18 months to the day since Rupert died. I’ve spent the evening finishing up my goal setting workshop and starting The You-Nicorn 30 day coaching workshop. The goal setting was amazing, and I have a list of what I need to do this month in order to achieve my three month goals. I have goals listed out five years!
The 30 day coaching was harder. We had to write about something that felled us with the perspective of how it made us MOVE FORWARD. Of course I wrote about the death of my boyfriend. I wrote it fast because it is so painful. I wrote about him encouraging me to be Absinthia all the time, not just in some circles. I wrote about him raising the bar, causing me to be strong enough to walk away from my parents and from men that don’t deserve me. I wrote about how confident I am that I will find the partner I’m seeking. I will find love again.
And I wrote about how goddamn determined I am to achieve my goals. He didn’t live to turn 46. I did. I’m still here. And I’m alive and I’m going to make sure every day counts. His death felled me. Once I was able to stand up, I made sure that experience moved me forward. And I’m still moving. I’m still alive.
I ask to please be held accountable to the two vows I am making here tonight.
1. I will always love my children unconditionally. Absolutely. No matter what.
2. I will never again spend any significant time with my parents. I will not vacation with them. I will not try again with them. I will not let them in my life. Ever. Again.
Tonight, my parents called me horrible names. They shamed me in multiple ways. And for the first time in my life, I stood my ground. I told them I didn’t care. I am comfortable and happy with my life and who I am, and I don’t need their approval. I have worked hard to rid my life of toxic friends and lovers; why, then, should I let my parents treat me this way?
My parents have failed Parenting 101: unconditional love. Their loss.
Bye, Mom and Dad. I’ve got better people to share my time and my love.
Tonight, my parents told me they hated me as a person. I knew this. They told me they think I’m a loser, a slut, and a drug addict. They said my tattoos are disgusting. They told me that my wonderful children are that way because of who they are as people, the luck of the draw, and that I did nothing to contribute that. They disrespect me as a parent and as a person.
I told them I don’t need their approval, that I think they are mean, judgmental, and terrible parents. They take no responsibility for their nasty and immature behavior. Somehow, they think they were ideal parents when I was a child, and that they are above reproach now.
Their very behavior this evening proves that wrong.
While what they said of course hurts, it actually feels good to have it out in the open. I know who I am, and I’m sorry they can’t see that. No one in my life treats me the way they do. I have a wonderful relationship with my children. I have an amazing community of close friends. My love life is complicated right now because my partner died recently, but I am not a slut. Even if I were, my sexuality is not a bad thing if it isn’t hurting anyone else. They just want to shame me. I’ve never done anything to hurt them, but I suppose different and having different values from them is enough. I value my uniqueness. I thrive when I march to the beat of my own drums.
This happens often with them. They have done this before. I’m so fed up with it and I don’t want to do it anymore. I won’t do it anymore. I told them tonight I’m not coming back to their vacation home. They were surprised. Why would they be surprised? Would they really expect me to walk into their web again? At the end of the conversation, I told them I just needed two things from them. The first is to let me be my children’s parent and to not compete or act like they are. The other is to not talk about me behind my back, especially in front of my children. My kids have agreed to hold them to this.
While my parents have walked around angry for two days, I’ve gone about my life like nothing has happened. I’ve smiled and enjoyed myself. Why should I let the poison they swallowed kill me?
I spent the rest of the evening laughing and hugging my girls. We had a great night together. They told me they disagree with everything my parents say about me. I told them I’d love them unconditionally no matter what life choices they make.
That’s what matters.