Wow, 2018. That’s a big number for someone born in 1970. I’ll turn 48 later this year.
It’s been 18 months to the day since Rupert died. I’ve spent the evening finishing up my goal setting workshop and starting The You-Nicorn 30 day coaching workshop. The goal setting was amazing, and I have a list of what I need to do this month in order to achieve my three month goals. I have goals listed out five years!
The 30 day coaching was harder. We had to write about something that felled us with the perspective of how it made us MOVE FORWARD. Of course I wrote about the death of my boyfriend. I wrote it fast because it is so painful. I wrote about him encouraging me to be Absinthia all the time, not just in some circles. I wrote about him raising the bar, causing me to be strong enough to walk away from my parents and from men that don’t deserve me. I wrote about how confident I am that I will find the partner I’m seeking. I will find love again.
And I wrote about how goddamn determined I am to achieve my goals. He didn’t live to turn 46. I did. I’m still here. And I’m alive and I’m going to make sure every day counts. His death felled me. Once I was able to stand up, I made sure that experience moved me forward. And I’m still moving. I’m still alive.
Several months ago, you can look back and see the huge falling out I had with my parents. The horrible things they called me, and the financial and emotional disownment that followed.
It was the best thing that could have happened to me. I feel like I’ve left an emotionally abusive spouse who was controlling me with money, telling me things to keep me small and little.
I’m no one’s chew toy.
My daughter spent the day with them today. She told me they said they love me very much and that was the hardest decision of their seven generations of life.
I told my daughter I would never, ever even consider making a decision like that, and I held her tight.
I ask to please be held accountable to the two vows I am making here tonight.
1. I will always love my children unconditionally. Absolutely. No matter what.
2. I will never again spend any significant time with my parents. I will not vacation with them. I will not try again with them. I will not let them in my life. Ever. Again.
Tonight, my parents called me horrible names. They shamed me in multiple ways. And for the first time in my life, I stood my ground. I told them I didn’t care. I am comfortable and happy with my life and who I am, and I don’t need their approval. I have worked hard to rid my life of toxic friends and lovers; why, then, should I let my parents treat me this way?
My parents have failed Parenting 101: unconditional love. Their loss.
Bye, Mom and Dad. I’ve got better people to share my time and my love.